And I reproduce it here because the idiots at e2 have a tendency to nuke my favorite nodes.

I, for one, know where he's coming from. I wouldn't say that this hypothetical girl has done anything wrong at all. Just that I understand how inscrutable and gut-wrenching it is. How much it sucks to be alone, to be plain, to be ignorant, and to be ignored by the opposite sex.

You know something's missing. Something inside. You see people all around you hooking up and it looks like something you should have been born understanding, but weren't, since no one is ever able to give you any advice or help that makes a difference - or even makes sense. You can think things like: You know, people die alone. You can believe that you might actually never meet someone.

I can only offer one piece of advice, and that sucks too, but it's your only hope. That is: you have to stop caring. You have to completely let it go. Give up. Convince yourself you will be alone forever. Warm up to it. Start to find it fun. You will never be cheated on or pay alimony or have your kids get arrested or have to remember her birthday or leave the seat down or lie to her about how beautiful she looks. Did I mention you have zero chance of catching a disease without abusing intravenous drugs? That's not half bad right there. But most of all, quit. Start living your life. Find something you care about that you can have and go out and get it. It could be anything, since there is no one around to judge you. Write something. Invent something. Become the world's best Freecell player. Think of all the free time you have. Do you know what it's like to feel guilt every non-working second you don't spend with your girlfriend? I could have written the great american novel by now. You are free. And if you have a chance of ever attracting someone to spend any part of their life with you, it comes from being able to do this. To be free.

This all feels pretty strange and embarrassing, but I had to try.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for you-know-who. As another E2er put it,

The phrase "'tis better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all" is bull.

Anyhow, I can't sleep tonight. Gotta call Cuna tomorrow, make sure they have my transcript and all and figure out where exactly they want me to show up at 11:30 Monday morning. Then I have to pack, go home (thanks for all the rides, Ben!), do that dumb SE take home test, write my part of the Music1240 presentation, write my SE4110 paper, write my lab report for EE4720, do mp40 and database homework, probably play Uno with Heather for hours on end...I only wish I had time to actually write the program that I'm writing the paper about. Or work on Crapi. That'd be nice.

Of course, this being TOGoS's journal and all, here is a run down of recent dreams:

Last night I had one of those dreams where I realized I was dreaming and started flying around and stuff, but I wasn't lucid enough to really think about it much and therefore didn't do anything especially cool. It is a vague memory, but from what I remember I had been driving to this building in a car with some friend, and now that we were there I was flying around inside fixing smoke detectors or something stupid like that.

And then we were flying in an airplane. I was sitting on one of the engines, which was in place of a row of seats. It made sense at the time. I liked sitting there because it was warm.

And yesterday (yesterday means Wednesday, not Thursday) afternoon I was having a dream that we were monkeys and running along this path through a forest. It was some route that we took home every day. And then there was something about watching a possum run across a big vacant lot. Mary was there doing homework, and she was asking me what just happened because she missed the possum. And there was also something about a video game my Dad was playing that wasn't quite Doom 3, but was inspired by some corny outer limits-like show that he and Ma liked to watch. There was a room that you could go into where there was steam and some cool futuristic looking grate doors and you'd sort of float around in there, kicking your legs.